


The Line of Daydreams and Realities

by surrealitea



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 15:06:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12750729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surrealitea/pseuds/surrealitea
Summary: Do Kyungsoo believes that people like him don't believe in love. Life is just composed of tragedies and harsh realities. That is, until Park Chanyeol came along.





	The Line of Daydreams and Realities

**Author's Note:**

> I hope one day you find the courage to share the things you love doing.. just like this.

 

It was the fifth day of February that year. It was very cold but I needed to kill some time. It was boring at home and I don’t have anything special to attend to that’s why I decided to go to the mall and look for a new album to listen to or maybe buy a new book. I needed things to help me forget about the harsh realities of life. Besides, there were new shops that opened this week and I’m very thrilled to go. How fun. _“Oh, please. Who are you kidding?”_ My own mind tells me as it sensed sarcasm that drips like acid. I just simply hated going out.

As I was passing through the hallways of this economic empire, I could feel the cool breeze on my skin. The winter chills aren’t over yet. I am beginning to feel numb and I was battling with myself if I should just go home. Nope. Not an option for me. I dreaded the feeling of being confined in my room forhours. But I hated it even more when I’m alone especially when I get to contemplate about the future. 

I continued to walk around and I was about to take a left turn to go to my usual music store when I saw something that caught my eye. It was the newly-built bowling alley. 

Since it was just half past two in the afternoon, there were only a few people inside. I decided to sit on the lounge and read the promos they have to offer. This is a new thing for me. I am not usually inclined to these type of activities but I feel different about this. It’s weird. I kind of wanna try it out. Maybe it was just the adrenaline of actually being able to go out for once that is kicking in.

I don’t want to push my luck any further though so I just decided to stroll around the bowling alley. Maybe find something interesting about people that I could write about in my journal. I was nearing the end of the alley and I was about to leave when I saw him. 

He was wearing a huge black hoodie, a black shirt matched with track pants and one of those famous sneakers any other guy would wish to have. He had those perfect deep brown orbs and his hair was perfectly tousled on his head. To say that I was starstruck was an understatement. He was so good looking it was ridiculous. But I was not one of those people who would make the first move.

_“Get a grip, Do Kyungsoo.”_ I battled inside my head. It’s not the time to catch a crush on someone especially when you have only seen them for the first time. Love at first sight is lame.

But I was a sore loser. 

I decided to watch him from afar as I sat on the couch by the lounge once again. He was about to play and I could sense that he is good. He is with two other boys and I assume that they are probably his friends. He threw the ball with perfect grace and it rolled until it reached the bowling pins. It was a strike!

My instincts never went wrong. He is truly good at this. I watched them play until the very end of the game and I wondered why I was even there. Why did I stay? Oh. Yeah. I needed to kill some time. Sure.

This was very unusual for me. People like me don’t do these things. Boring people like me don’t get interested in other people. It’s just a mere attraction. It’s his towering height that did it, I’m pretty sure. 

I was about to go since they were already done playing and I don’t even have a business here in the first place when I found the pair of perfect deep brown eyes staring at me. It was.. his.

My eyes went wide and I felt my cheeks go hot and I got the urge to go out of the alley and run. But before I could even compose my thoughts, I saw him walking towards me. His two friends had those cheeky grins that make you sense that something unusual was up. My head was spinning and I don’t know if I should run and hide or stay and face him. But I guess, I unconsciously picked the latter.

When he was already in front of me, I felt like I was going to throw up. I didn’t even move an inch and I probably looked dumb. His huge frame made mine look even smaller than it actually is. To say that there were butterflies in my stomach would not suffice. It just won’t explain this feeling. I felt a whole zoo, if it were possible.

_“Hi,”_ he said as he smiled. A dimple popped on his cheeks and I couldn’t even find my voice to speak. Humans are capable of looking this good huh? It wasn’t just a fictional concept created by celebrities and idols then. 

_“Uh.. h-hello?”_ Christ. I was probably looking like a dumbass in front of this beautiful being. “We saw you alone here for the whole hour. Don’t you want to play or something? You are in a bowling alley after all.” He was about to smile that cheeky grin that made my heart flutter once again when I immediately answered “I can’t!”

It was too aggressive for my liking and I can’t even seem to control these types of things. I am usually a very soft-spoken person, you see. I am a quiet man. What is this guy even doing to me? He is going to be annoyed. I can tell. However, he did the exact opposite. He laughed. 

His laugh is probably how an angel’s laughter would sound like. It was not possible to be this smitten by a person isn’t it? 30 seconds down since I met him and I barely want this to end. But at the same time I wanna run back home and beat myself up for this embarrassment. 

_“You’re too tensed! Loosen up a bit. I just wanna say that you’re welcome to join me and my friends. I am Chanyeol by the way.”_ He introduced himself and extended his hand with that certain confidence. It wasn’t the cocky type. It was the type that you know he is just a genuinely friendly person. _“Kyungsoo.”_ I shook his hand. That easy, it became the beginning of our friendship. And, it was also the beginning of the happiest days of my life.

Everyday, Chanyeol and I would hangout in this bowling alley. Sometimes he would bring Sehun and Jongin along with him just like the first time I met them but there are also days when it was just the two of us who would play. He taught me how to throw the ball in a certain way. It involved that grace with the footwork. “This movement.. this is the most important part! Don’t you dare forget, Kyungsoo!” He would always tell me when he demonstrates. 

We would also order drinks from the lounge’s bar and eat burgers and fries. It was like a scene from a book I’ve read. It was like a modern-day fairytale but I knew, it was the kind of thing that won’t last forever. Stories needed to end too.

It was not because Chanyeol is not my ideal type. He was. Hell, he was the representation of what modern Prince Charmings are made of. Even if I refused to admit it. The first time I saw him, I knew. I knew he was the one that I wanted to get to know more. I knew the attraction was not just because of his towering height or his cute ears or his little dimple. I knew he was that person I won’t mind to spend each day of my boring life with. His presence is like the sun’s rays that warms you during a cold winter day. In fact, he can make the dull and boring days bright. Life changed a lot when I met him. So, no. It was not his fault that I knew it was bound to end. It was mine. It was because of me and I was such a selfish prick to continue the small hangouts even if I knew we were going to be attached to one another if this pursues. 

One time, Chanyeol and I were laughing so hard as he was teaching me how to properly throw the ball once again when everything around me turned black. I completely lost all sense of reality and a blackout took over me. The small bubble of happiness he created for me burst right into my face. Chanyeol had to take me to the hospital just to see if I was doing fine. However, I already know the answer.

I stopped talking to Chanyeol after that incident. I didn’t respond to his texts and invitations to hangout. There was a time when he even texted _“Soo, did I do something wrong?”_ and _“Soo, are you okay? Please be okay.”_ And my heart ached so badly. It was already bothering me and I can’t stand it anymore. Even if I badly wanted to respond or hang with him more.. I knew that a few more times spent with him will result to my heart getting attached for good and I can’t let these feelings take over me.

Still, I couldn’t stop myself. I started to go to the bowling alley everyday just to see if Chanyeol was doing fine. He was always there at 2:00 PM sharp. It was our usual meet up time. I never let him see me. Sometimes, I would even wear disguises or blend along with other groups just to hide myself. It was breaking my heart to see him waiting for nothing. There were times wherein I wanted to run up to him and hug him. Seeing him lonely and sad also pains every inch of me. This went on for 2 months but after some time, Chanyeol did not come anymore.

It was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing since I know he could now move on with his usual life and a curse because I still got hurt that he actually made the decision to stop and forget about me. I hated myself for it. He didn’t deserve me and I should feel the pain.

On the 5th of June, I left _this_ letter at the usual place where Chanyeol usually plays bowling. I made sure that it was handwritten and sealed. I don’t even know if he would be able to get _this._ I don’t even know how he feels about me anymore. Were we just friends? Was I just a person who didn’t matter after months? He is probably pissed at me for making him wait and expect for nothing. I had a lot of regrets. I wish he knew a lot of things. I wish he knew about this and how I felt.

Chanyeol became my world for a short span of time. How it ended up like that is still a mystery to me. It was definitely hard to smile when I got so used to seeing him with his cheeky grin everyday but now I ended up sulking in the confines of my room. I felt weaker than I ever did before. Maybe it is true that I already fell in love with him. But even if I actually did, I would choose his happiness over mine. I wouldn’t dare to tell him that. Which is why _this letter_ exists.

Chanyeol.. if you ever read this, I just want to tell you that I really appreciate you and everything that you did for me. You were this boring guy’s reason to smile since the 5th of February in that bowling alley when we first met. I never wanted to keep you hanging. I just wanted you to be happy. I needed to end it after that incident because it was a wake up call. Because.. you can never be happy with me.

You can never have that happy ending you always told me about if we would be friends. I can never be the guy who will go to late night drives as we listen to jazz music with. I can never be “he constant bowling enemy or the 2:00 AM Starbucks drive-thru buddy you hopelessly long for. It’s because you can never be attached to me. Because I will hurt you. I will leave you. And It’s not even because I am not willing to be that guy, Yeol. It’s just because that’s exactly how _it_ is.

No one who’s attached to me would ever survive. I am a walking tragedy waiting to happen. A _time bomb._ I will eventually hurt the people around me when I leave. You see, I don’t have that much time anymore. But hey, before this letter ends I want you to know the truth. _My truth._

I am sick beyond words, Yeol. I have Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. I could die in an instant and I don’t want you to feel the pain when the ticking bomb explodes. Because by then, I won’t be able to comfort you. Because I’m not around anymore. Because I am already dead. And that thought alone can kill me. It’s too cruel. I know. 

When I met you, it was like crossing _the line of daydreams and realities_. It seemed almost too good to be true to even meet someone so great in such an unexpected time. But I met you. And it might sound crazy but I fell in love with you. I am in love with you. _I love you, **Park Chanyeol**. _ That is my truth. 

Maybe I realized it a little too early or a little too late. And you’re only finding out about this now and I may be either still alive or dead but it doesn’t matter because what truly does is the fact that.. _I love you_. And I will continue loving you even when I’m gone. The physical pain of my heart was nothing compared to the pain of the reality that our story was measured by just a finite moment of time. But a love like this won’t perish just because I turn back to dust. I am just sure of it. It will never change. It hasn’t changed since the beginning of that day, the 5th of February, in that bowling alley where I was left speechless with nothing to say.

 

All my love,

** Do Kyungsoo **


End file.
